


everything but us

by withoutwords



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Chin and Kono are leaving, M/M, More angst, Other, pre slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 21:58:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11427039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: “I guess we could start by being happy for them.”“I am,” Steve says, a little too vehemently, his jaw clenching when Danny huffs at him.“Of course you are. You always are.”“What does that mean?”“It means when I was leaving with Rachel, or Lori was going home, or Cath was disappearing to who knows where - again - you’re alwayshappy for us.”





	everything but us

**Author's Note:**

> this is for a prompt sent to me on tumblr by the lovely darpdilys: "a reaction fic with Steve expressing his feelings to danno about chin and kono leaving"

Steve’s out on the lanai with a knee pulled to his chest and his beer half empty still.

Danny watches from the door for a while, waiting, hoping that maybe the tide will come in for them and wash them away to yesterday. Or two days ago. Or whenever their team last felt whole. He’s seen Steve look this way before, sad and lost and broken - eight years later and he still doesn’t know what to do about it. It feels like clenched fists and righteousness haven’t helped him yet.

“What are we going to do?” Danny asks, sitting on the edge of the chair by Steve and kicking himself internally. Aside from,  _ well this sucks _ , it’s probably the worst thing he could say.

“What  _ can _ we do?”

Danny just shrugs. They both know loss. They both know how powerless they feel in the face of it. “I guess we could start by being happy for them.”

“I am,” Steve says, a little too vehemently, his jaw clenching when Danny huffs at him. 

“Of course you are. You always are.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means when I was leaving with Rachel, or Lori was going home, or Cath was disappearing to who knows where - again - you’re always  _ happy for us _ .”

“Well what do you want me to do, Danny, chain them to their desks?”

“I want you to tell me how you feel about this.”

“Jesus,” Steve says, heaving a breath so heavy Danny half-expects him to tip over with it. He sits up. “I’m fantastic, what do you think?”

“I think it’s like losing your parents, and your sister, and your aunt all over again,” Danny tells him softly, inching close enough that their knees touch. “It’s like losing a part of you that you can’t get back. I know how it feels, Steve.”

“Then why do you have to ask, huh? You think saying the words are going to make me feel better about this? You think admitting that this feels like … like an  _ ending _ is going to help me start again?”

“Maybe.”

Steve sighs and drops his head. All his lines are wrong - not steady and strong like they usually are. Just soft and worn and giving up. “I’m just - it’s different this time.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you were leaving, or Lori or Cath or any one left I was fighting a lot of battles. Not just with my dad, or Wo Fat - but with myself. I didn’t even know if I was going to stick around, so if no one else did then what did it matter?”

“And now?” Danny urges, wrapping a hand firm around Steve’s knee and holding.  

“And now it feels like … like we’ve all settled down. Haven’t we? Like we’re all going to grow old together here.”

“Yeah.”

“But then Max went. And now Chin and Kono are leaving. What happens if Lou or Jerry or you - ”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You don’t know that, Danny. You don’t know that Rachel won’t - ”

“Steve, no, don’t.”

“Well, you asked me how I‘m feeling and there it is. I thought I was over this. I thought I could stop believing that eventually everyone would leave me. But here we are again.”

Steve tips his beer to Danny in some faux salute, sitting sour in his gut. Steve was right, Danny did ask, and none of what he said came as any real surprise. He used to joke about it, was probably sometimes cruel about it - Steve’s abandonment issues. But here they were, laid out for him to see at last.

“They love you,” Danny tells him definitively, his other hand now coming to wrap around Steve’s thigh, pulling close. He’s warm and solid and Danny wonders, at this point, who is anchoring who. “You know that. They love you and they wouldn’t have made this decision without thinking of you.  _ You know that _ .”

“I do. And I know it’s a good choice for them. It just  _ hurts _ , Danno. It fucking hurts.”

Steve’s head drops to Danny’s shoulder, and Danny’s arms wrap around Steve’s back, and it feels like they loop and loop and loop like a record that’s come unstuck. That’s who they were at the start - wobbly and unsure and the melody always a little off - but it’s not who they are now.

“We’ll be okay,” Danny tells him, and he says it the same way he says, I love you, to his kids, the way he says, I’m staying here with him, to any stiff neck, military type that will listen.

They’ll be okay. Chin and Kono and Adam and Sara, they’ll all be okay. 

“We have each other.”

**Author's Note:**

> thefancyspin.tumblr.com


End file.
